This week’s theme on the Bloom Forum is Old and I immediately knew I had to do this.

There are two things that make me less excited about going home, which are the 21 hours flight (bearable with lots of new release movies) and seeing my parents growing old (unbearable).

This is a story about my dad and perhaps the most difficult blog post I’ve ever written.

I had always imagined a beautiful life with my parents, where life is full of smile and filled with many wonderful things. But nine years ago my father had a stroke. He underwent seven surgeries and we spent three months at three hospitals. This shocked me and has completely changed the way I see life and what I consider important in life.

What is happening to my father has put my faith into a full spin. I question God, I question His where about, whether He really cares. I question His plans. I question His presence. I envy seeing grandfathers walking and laughing with their grandchildren. I wish my father could do the same. He would if he could, with all his heart.

I posted a rising kite image on Flickr on my father’s birthday and a Flickr friend sent me an email. She said, “I know what you are going through. I’ve experienced the same.” I remembered how relieved it was reading her email because for years I thought I am going through this alone and that nobody would understand the sorrow.

I spent my first week at home crying for many reasons. I cried because it tore me apart seeing how my parents are growing old. I cried because it tore me apart seeing what my father is going through in his old days. I cried because I was touched by sincere attention and love sent by our friends and family during this difficult time. My best friend sent a prayer through Yahoo Messenger, our neighbors continuously visit us, send us food and prayers. This shows that my father and mother are loved and respected by many. This fact is comforting me in many ways.

Phew! This is my longest post!
Diptych 4
We still keep all of his belongings including his glasses.
Diptych 2
I give him a bath in the afternoon and we would sit outside for fresh air.
Diptych 1
Diptych 3

Blessed your heart if you made it to the bottom. LOL. Please visit Kelly's blog to see her take on this week's theme.
emily said...

Debbie, sending love and comfort your way. I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now.

Krista Keller photography Danville CA said...

That was beautiful and my heart filled for you and your family! I get sad as well thinking about my grandmother who is alive but not present and that is hard to take. Just to make you smile a bit she is 93 but thinks she is engaged to "Larry the jeweler". She just recently announced with a huge smile her engagement. We let her believe she is bc it makes her happy....funny and sad how life turns out. My favorite picture is the close up of the hand. Speaks volumes. Wonderful post. Thank you for sharing your father with us.

Laurie said...

This is beautiful Debbie.. and I did get to the bottom.. and had to hold back my tears. You are stronger than you think.. and you will get through this.. it's amazing when our friends pull us through with words of encouragement and notes to uphold us. When my daughter was born and laying in NICU.. and I, also asking God why.. I received letters from woman all over the state, woman I didn't even know, (my families prayer chain is very long :) ) who just wanted to assure me I wasn't alone in my pain, retelling their own misfortunes with birth defects and even deaths in their own family.

..and then there are the stories that put a smile on your face like the one Krista shared about her grandmother.

Sending thoughts and prayers your way.. for you, your mother and your whole family.

Jessi said...

Words can not even explain how this post touched me. Although my parents are still very healthy, I think a lot about how this will affect my life. I know that I'm not ready to face this challenge, but I hope when I do, I can face it with the strength and courage that you have. My heart is with you as you and your family go through this time. Rejoice in the wonderful memories you have of him.

jayme said...

Debbie this is such a beautiful post and I can see why. Words don't do justice, but know that you are not alone. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

choppyrocks said...

I'm terrified…not just from reading your post, but of late, I've been thinking about my parents a lot. They live so far away from me, and just like you, I dream of spending more time with them….not less…and they're growing old. Your story breaks my heart and I can't tear my eyes away from your photos. I don't know if I can be as strong as you if this happens to me one day….I'm so so sorry for you and your family for having to experience this. He must have been a very special dad….take care, dear friend. Will send prayers your way too.

Daniella said...

Bless you Deb, and ur parents for having you...i once said to you that you are a survivor ...after reading this i am more and more convinced are such a strong lady!
Bless me ,,,for having a friend like you....*hugs*

Ps: see u very very soonnn! Yay !


One of the most beautiful and revealing post. I love that you've captured and documented this season. (hugs)

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